~Thankful~

Why is it so easy for me to cry?

It seems these days if you just look at me I start to cry, and the worst part- I can’t stop. I must have an endless supply of tears. It would be nice if they would dry up so that I don’t have to look like such a weak parent all the time. I want to be a bold and firm mom when it comes to handling Paityn and her tantrums and bad behaviors. I want to teach her the right way to act and that we don’t throw chairs when we are upset, and we don’t throw toys or food or any other objects when we don’t get our way. We don’t hit or kick or scream. I want her to know and understand that. I want people to think that that is the kind of parent I am and that I know how to handle Paityn.  But I don’t, she knows how to push my buttons, she’s got me wrapped around her little finger and she knows it.

And then we have Ryan (my husband and Paityn's dad) in the middle of all this. I am so lucky to have him. He has stuck by me through many hard times. He knows and truly understands how hard Paityn can be. 

Today I was having a rough day at Paityn’s school. Ryan called me right as the teacher took my screaming child from me and told me to go for a walk, right when I was ready to break down, right when I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. I walked straight out of that room picked up my phone and cried. 

Again. 

He listened to me as I cried my frustrations out and then he comforted me and gave me encouragement. That is just what I needed at that moment and I am so grateful that he was there for me. I am thankful that I have him walking alongside me through this hard journey, sharing in the joys and challenges of raising our beautiful daughter. And son- I will get to him eventually, but for now I will just say what an awesome brother he is to Paityn. He is so good with her and I know that she loves him.